Table of Contents
Intro - What Is This For?
Intro - How Will It Be Structured?
Intro - Final Comments and Disclaimer
Major Issues/Questions About God
Firstly, the Question I Didn't Know I Had, How Does One Walk by Faith?
Second Question, How Does God Speak and What Does His Voice Sound Like?
Answer to Second Question
Third Question, Is Knowing God Possible?
Answer to Third Question
Fourth Question, Praying Expectantly, How can I Know God Will Answer My Prayer?
Answer to Fourth Question
Conclusion
Intro - What Is This For?
I didn't know what I was going to write here for a long time or if I was, but now, I think I do. This blog space is for whatever I feel God impresses me to write concerning what He's teaching me about Himself, prayer, the Word and life. I am a very small person in a big world, and know very little. He's teaching me all the time. My hope is that anyone who reads might be able to avoid some of my mistakes, or maybe they have the same question/struggle as I do, or they can learn a little piece of whatever God's trying to teach them. I bet He's trying to teach lots of people the same things, but being stubborn, we don't always listen. I'm hoping it'll also keep me straight and help me remember the important things I've learned.
Intro - How Will It Be Structured?
Sometimes, I'll just post in here songs that have been on my mind, or book excerpts that touched me from devotionals or from the Bible. Sometimes, I'll put in here something I've learned about God or conversations I've had with others - something that He shows me. I'll only write in here what I feel impressed to.
Most will probably be short snippets and not long paragraphs. Because of this, whatever it is I'll label with headings for each snippet, like this (above). I'm also creating categories for all my blogs, which appear on the right. I realize no one wants to wade through text to figure out what to read of something. Read the heading. If it doesn't speak to you or is uninteresting, move on.
Intro - Final Comments and Disclaimer
None of the other things that I write here will be anywhere near as long as this one. I hope not. This one is long because it's the first, and sums up the answers God gave me to the four biggest questions I've had about Him so far. The questions are in blue.
Lastly, as they say, I'm a "young-un." I don't pretend to be the authority on these things. I reserve the right to be wrong. This is only what I know right now. I'm constantly learning and I'm no where near where I hope I will be on day. Never blindly accept anything anyone says - try it out for yourself.
Major Issues/Questions About God
When I look back on the last year and the last ten years, I'd say that God has shown me the answers to at least four MAJOR questions that plagued me. Two of them were answered just last year. They were looming questions I'd had since I was little that resulted in deep-seated doubt about prayer and knowing God. I am just now starting to move beyond them to deeper things. So, here's what I learned. Hopefully, it won't take you fourteen years to learn the same things. O.o If it does, don't worry about it. You *will* get there. More on that later.
Firstly, the Question I Didn't Know I Had
Question #1: How do I live by faith?
Now, this wasn't a question I ever really knew to ask for the longest time. It took me forever to learn I was "doing it wrong" and even longer to find the answer. Actually, it continues to be one of those things I struggle with, even knowing the answer.
I used to be consumed with guilt - sometimes for sins, but more than that, for not being all I COULD be. I knew I could be a lot better and I wasn't. It destroyed me. I felt I'd never be good enough for God. I was so scared of failing Him, and I knew that no matter what I did, I always would fail. I couldn't do anything well enough to be up to His standards.
Answer to Question #1
The answer to this problem has come in chunks, the biggest of which were from Steve McVey's Grace Walk and Witness Lee's The Economy of God. No, we can't do anything good enough. It's ok. That's not the point. Life after coming to know Jesus isn't about striving to do better or putting your best face forward or trying to "do things for God." Living each day with Jesus is just like when you come to know Him. You come to know Him by faith. You don't do anything to get salvation. It turns out, you don't do anything to live your new life out either.
The first key is to accept His acceptance of you. This isn't easy. It wasn't for me. He's already washed away all your sins, inadequacy and weaknesses in His blood. Once you believe in Jesus as Lord, the Lord doesn't see those things anymore. He sees the Lord Jesus' righteousness when He looks at you. Each day, what you have to do is NOT pray, "Lord, help me serve you better today," but, "Lord, help me see your face today." What I mean will hopefully be more clear in a minute.
After you accept His acceptance of you, the second key is to rest in His presence. What does this mean? It's hard to explain, but I'll try. We don't strive to do our best out of ourselves, fretting that we're not doing enough. Instead, we look to Him for the power to do everything and anything, and as we look to Him and ask for grace, He dispenses it to us. It's like the mana in the wilderness. Daily bread. He only gives us what we need as we look to Him and ask for it.
Continued:
The way we live out our new life in Jesus is to ask Him to live it through us. We do it - not by keeping our eyes on ourselves - what we should be doing better, trying to argue less, trying to worry less, trying not to be mean, or selfish, or trying not to eat that piece of cake. We do it by keeping our eyes on Jesus.
What does that mean? It's very close to what Brother Lawrence talks about in Practicing the Presence of God. We depend on Him for everything. Literally. We can't breath without Him anyway. What makes us think we can do anything else without Him? We think about Him. Even when we're thinking about other things, in an instant, we could be in prayer about something.
It means that in everything we do, as ask for His help, as we do it. While we do the dishes (I hate washing dishes. So did Brother Lawrence.), write that school report, talk to our friends, drive our cars, do our homework, work at our lab or at our jobs - we're always asking the Lord things like...
"Lord, you know I hate dishes. Please help me do them anyway and give me peace." Or "Lord, please speak through me as I talk to these people." Or, "Lord, please work through me as I do this job. Let me do it as you would." Or, "Lord, this article is fascinating, but confusing. Help me understand this cool stuff about cells." >.> Or, "Lord, help me find something to eat for lunch, because I hate eating, I'm not hungry, I hate looking for food and I don't know what to eat." >.> I pray that a lot. Constantly be talking to Him. And, as you do things, praise Him all the time. That's really important too. It doesn't have to be unnatural. Just, whenever you feel happy about something, thank Him for whatever is making you happy. Thank Him for His presence, what He's done, what He shows you, those beautiful trees, how pretty that flower is, how great that music is - even the little things - especially the little things.
Witness Nee's The Economy of God is the best book I've ever read on walking with God by faith - very clear, precise and full of Scripture to back it up, unlike the majority of spiritual books, which are extremely vague. You can actually read it for free online. Go to the following link: http://www.ministrybooks.org/. On the left side, underneath "All Online Publications," click on "Find by Title." Scroll down to "Economy of God, The."
Second Question, How Does God Speak and What Does His Voice Sound Like?
Question #2: I would pray when I was a kid at night. But then I'd wonder, "What use is this? People say it's like a conversation. But how can I have a conversation with someone who doesn't talk back?"
I'd heard that our relationship with God was supposed to be "a relationship, not a religion" over and over. Ok. But, the problem was, I didn't know how to put that into practice. A relationship suggested conversation. I knew that God was supposed to speak to people. But I didn't know how the heck to hear Him.
I can't count the number of times I'd ask God to teach me how to hear Him from about age 10 to 24. The one thing I did experience was overwhelming peace when I prayed. That was wonderful, but sometimes annoying, especially when I still didn't have any answers. I thought to myself, "Nothing has changed. How can I have peace about it?" God's peace doesn't make sense, and that's ok.
I began to get this question answered. Then, the problem became not so much that I couldn't hear God, but that I doubted it was really Him.
Answer to Second Question
The most radical book I've read on knowing God's voice is Mark Virkler's How to Hear God's Voice. I read it, then I put it aside, not sure what to make of it. It's had to percolate for years before I've come around to its way of thinking. I'm coming to see more and more from my life experiences that he's probably right, but I'm not thoroughly convinced in all of it yet, which is why I don't list it anywhere in my favorite literature.
What I can say is that the Lord DOES speak. Scripture says it.
John 10:27-28, "27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."
Habbakkuk 2:1-2, "I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint. 2 Then the Lord replied:"
1) He can, but He rarely speaks audibly.
2) He speaks by putting thoughts into our mind. Verses that pop up suddenly. An understanding that pops into one's head. He never speaks negatively or says things against Scripture. He never brings doubt. He never brings vague, nebulous guilt. If He convicts, it's very specific. That other voice is the Enemy.
3) Sometimes He speaks directly from Scripture. A verse will jump out at you.
4) Though people or through circumstances. Someone will say something, or something will happen, and you'll just feel it - you'll know - that was meant for you.
I think hearing God become more and more obvious as we listen for Him. It gets better with practice. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn.
Some Keys I've Learned That Help
1) To hear God, you have to be looking for it and expect that He can and will.
2) Reading the Scriptures out loud and praying them back to Him is powerful.
3) It helps to meditate on Scripture. What I mean is read a few verses, then think about all the implications you can about those verses. What do they *really* mean? What is he *really* saying? This is continuously difficult to me, for some reason, but I'm getting better.
4) Keep a journal of answered prayers. Number them. If you're thinking about it, you'll be looking both for the answered prayers and also God speaking.
5) Keep a journal of things you notice in Scripture, or that you learn and/or feel is important.
Question 3-4, the One's Answered for Me Last Year
Third Question, Is Knowing God Possible?
Question #2: If I ask God to help me know Him, will He make it possible? Or can I sabotage His efforts? How can I know that God will help me to know Him? What if I pray all my life to know God and I never do? And it's not God' fault, but it's mine, because I somehow do things cause me not to hear Him, or I don't listen, or I end up getting distracted and doing stupid things, and fail, and get to the end of my life and find out that it was all worthless. I didn't know God any more than at the beginning.
This question used to *terrify* me.
As I said earlier, I came to know Jesus at the age of five. Around age 10, I started to really want to know God, and I started looking for other people who did so I could learn how to do it. I couldn't find any. All the people I knew talked about a relationship with God, but they didn't really have a living one. Oh, they were saved. They had trusted Jesus as Savior. But that was it. I wanted more than that. And usually, so did they.
I'd go about life, as a kid and teenager. It so happened that I grew up in church my whole life. I was surrounded by people who went to church and did things and read the Bible most of the time, but that was it. It felt really dry most of the time. Nothing really special. They didn't act like or seem as if they knew God. They just seemed kind of bumbling and hopeful that they someday would know Him, like me. It didn't matter how much I knew of the Bible. That isn't the same thing as knowing Him personally, like you know a friend.
I'd wonder all the time - "Seriously, something isn't right here. Something is wrong. Missing." It used to eat at me, but I didn't know what it was. It wasn't even always a thought. Just a feeling.
Every once in a while, I'd find someone who *did* know God. I mean they lived it out in power like I was looking for. They were people for whom a personal relationship with God was more than a phrase - they didn't just say that - they LIVED it. A relationship. Where they prayed, and God talked back. And they could tell you about it. They were different. When you meet them, you can tell. It's like they glow. They live life with excitement.
I can't tell you how badly I wanted that to be true for me. It's what I agonized over and prayed for desperately from age 13 - 24. I latched onto such people and asked them as many questions as I possibly could before they left. They were usually visiting missionaries, prayer people or random people I met and never saw again, or only infrequently.
Answer to the Third Question
What God has shown me:
I had many conversations with Esther about this question - what if I failed? Could God be known? She was praying very much for me that God would give me an understanding. She was determined that God could be known. I wasn't sure how she could be so sure.
After one of those talks, I was walking one day, praying. I was asking God, yet again, "Lord, what if someone wants to know you, and they don't. What if they never do? What if I go my whole life trying and come to the end of it no better than where I started?"
I know so many people who go to church, and think that's all they need. Some are cold-hearted, apathetic. Or others who want to know and have more, but don't. Some of those people are old. You'd think they'd have found the answers by now. They've tried for years and failed. Some are looking for God and don't find them. Others feel let down and walked away from God a long time ago and never want to go back. Can someone fail at knowing God? How can I avoid that fate? This stumbling block was huge for me.
I felt in my spirit suddenly, what the answer was. It wasn't audible. It was just, an understanding popped into my head. It was like God said to me, something like this...
You're looking at only what you see in the here and now - that's all you see. You think in terms of now, each day, not someone's whole life. You don't see the big picture. To you, even four years is a long time. I can see the beginning of time, to the end of time. I see someone's birth and death at the same time, and all in between. What you don't see is that I am constantly working, drawing people to Me. It might take them ten years, but if they are looking for me, if they really want me, they *will* find me. I am already working in those people's lives you listed off to me. You just haven't seen the end of the process yet. Watch. It will happen. You got to think in terms of eternity instead of the now.
Verses that sprang to mind to confirm this were as follows...
Hebrew 11:6 (KJV)
"6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
Philippians 2:12-14 (KJV)
"12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. 13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure."
Philippians 3:13-15
"13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you."
Romans 14:3-5 (NIV)
"3 The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."
2 Timothy 2:12 (KJV)
"For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."
James 4:7-8 (KJV)
"7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded."
Luke 12:31-33 (KJV)
"31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. 32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."
Micah 6:6-8 (KJV)
"6 Wherewith shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves of a year old? 7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, or with ten thousands of rivers of oil? shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? 8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"
John 17:2 (KJV)
"And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent."
1 Corinthians 2:9-13 (KJV), the Holy Spirit teaches us
"9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. 10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. 13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual."
Conclusion
God is working. We just don't always see it, because all we see is now. Keep seeking. He's really answering more than you think He is. And if you really seek Him, He will make sure that you do know Him and do get to where you're supposed to be. It's Him doing it, not you. We don't have to fear failure.
That day, I surrendered my fear of never knowing God and said essentially, "Lord, you know I suck at trying to know you. I'll trust that to you. Please, you move in me and show me yourself and make me who you want to be. You have the results in your hand. If anyone can teach anyone, it's you." I have to lay myself and my efforts down every day. I also have to trust that God, who made me, already knows all my weaknesses and inclinations, and gave me the Holy Spirit to teach me - shock of shocks - can in fact, teach me. It's within His power, and He wants it to happen. He's not devious and trying to hide from me.
Fourth Question, Praying Expectantly
Question #4: How can I know that God will answer my prayer? How can I pray 'expectantly'?
I'd heard people talk about prayer saying that you had to pray and expect to receive the answer. If you expected you had it, then you would have it. If you didn't, then you wouldn't. I would think, "... ok... but if I pray for a million dollars, I know I'm not going to get that no matter how much I pray for it." The response to that is of course that that was a selfish prayer and not one that God can honor. That comes right out of James 4:1-3,
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
My follow up response to that was, "Ok... I get that. But still, how can I really know? What if my prayer is a good thing? Nothing tells me in the Bible that God will heal that person I'm praying for, or help someone else to get a job or give that hurting person peace, or help that other person come back to faith. How can I really pray with confidence that ANYTHING like that will happen? I don't know it will happen. He might have other plans. He might tell me 'no.'"
Answer to the Fourth Question
This is probably the one I have the fastest answer to, and the one that will make the least sense without personal experience, unfortunately. I've heard it several times from the Lord in the past year.
Firstly, if God says "no" that means He has something even better, or is using it for something good. He doesn't hold out on you. It's like a kid asking for a cheap doll when her mom wants to buy her an expensive one. But she can't get over the cheap one. We can act like that in many ways toward God.
The Lord actually wants to give us joy like we've never seen. He's not stingy, but the Enemy wants us to think He is - that He cannot be trusted. We have to trust that He actually does want good things for us and has good plans. It's true. God's plans are infinitely better than any of mine I could ever think up. I read an essay once that said if we chase happiness, it runs from us. Chase God though, and it follows us. Nothing is more true.
Secondly, how do we know we can expect God to answer something? I find this is answered in combination with everything else. When you're seeking Him, looking for His voice and praising Him, He will put on your heart things to pray for. He will put in your heart His will. You pray that. If you pray that, you can know He'll answer it. Of course He's going to do what He wills to do. Sometimes, we're given burdens to pray for - things, other people's, situations. The more you look for them, the more you pray, the more you read of the Scripture, the more obvious this becomes. Part of our job as believers in Jesus is to pray His will into being on the earth...
Luke 11:2 (KJV)
"2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth."
Conclusion
I feel as if last year, God took away from me, finally, after so many years of struggling and fighting, a lot of the doubt that I had. It fell off my back and the skies are clear. Prayer has become a lot more exciting and powerful as I hear and see Him speaking and answering. I can't wait to see what else He'll teach me each day.